Broken Up

About 2 months ago Jen broke up with me.  We made it 5 amazing years.  I still love her dearly but life seems to be pulling us in different directions.  With time things are improving and they hurt less.  Life is looking up in other areas which helps and I've moved back to the midwest where my support system is helping me transition to this new life on my own.  I grow less angry and knit together my broken heart a little more with each day.
I'm functioning quite well actually.  I have a new job at long last that i enjoy. I'm living with college buddies.  Applying for college again.  Finding solace in learning to accept that there are only so many things I can control in my life.  Letting go of dreams focused on her and the angry and hurt I've been left with.  Rebuilding my life from scratch hoping to make it all work out, which things always do.
Largely I'm questing and finding peace among the rubble of lives past.  Approaching life as a less serious entity but something to play with and flow along with when needed.  Riding out the pain and clinging to the wisps of dreams I'm beginning to create.  My friends have become my family and I find myself treasuring them more than I ever thought I could.
Making it through bit by bit.  Cooking love is on hold because the foundation on which it was built is suffering.  Sorry for the disruption. 

Guilty Pleasure: Hot Dogs

Through out my life I've spent happy time as a carnivore, vegetarian, and flexitarian.  Pretty much in that order.  Where I stand these days is without any food restrictions.  I tend to shy away from red meat and things with legs for the most part.  I thoroughly enjoy all fish and seafood I've tried and eat some sort of fish a few times a week.  Although meat isn't a huge part of my diet there are a few things I love that are big, bad, meaty, and delicious. 
The humble hot dog gets a really bad rap, as an unhealthy food for kids.  Yes they are simple, fatty and a favorite in the under 12 demographic, but the right type cooked well can be just as grown up as you pretend to be. 

I want to be forward with you: I freaking love a good hot dog.  

That being said not just any dog will do.  From personal experience I can say the best hot dogs are most often the worst for you.  I am a fat man and I've tried the low fat/reduced fat/yadda yadda and while they might be okay for microwaving or heating up on the stove in water these are not acceptable.  (Neither is cooking hot dogs in water if you ask me, but that is just preference.)  The reason the healthy ones are not suitable for grilling is their low fat content, the fat is going to keep them from drying out and adding lovely flavor.  As for casing options I like both but for the juiciest I recommend an old fashioned animal casing.  But that being said there are some extremely good non casing options.
My favorite Non-casing dogs are Hebrew National and Vienna Beef.
As for casing hotdogs Ambassador Old Fashioned Hot Dogs are the worlds best.
The Ambassador is the perfect grilling dog for its natural casing holds in every bit of of moisture inside.  I love to cook them until the casing starts to crack in perfection.  These are also great for camping because they have the structural integrity to withstand a stick shoved up them from cooking over and open flame.  This is how I was first introduced to them at a college cookout.  Simply divine.
Vienna Beef and Hebrew National are great all beef hot dogs and if I had my way they would always be served on a warm poppy seed bun with a dash of celery salt and ketchup.  The beef hot dog and celery salt are the key to making a Chicago style hotdog (which should not be grilled), which are near and dear to my heart from visiting my Chicago relatives as a child.
Well, there you have it my not so secret love of the hot dog and since this is the end I'm off to run my left over hot dogs into hot dogs and beans another childhood favorite.

Warm Tapioca

My 8-year-old self would be vomiting at the thought of anyone eating tapioca much less warm. 
One of my most vivid childhood memories is the day I first tried tapioca.  I was eight or nine at the time and largely responsible for packing my lunch.  That fateful day I found myself lucky enough to find pudding packs in the fridge and tossed in a vanilla...or so I thought.  Come lunch time I ripped the top off and enthusiastically popped a big spoonful in my mouth and found myself near gagging at the "fish eggs." The experience was terribly off putting and ruined my meal.  The remaining tapioca was taken by an eager friend without textural revulsion. 
It wasn't until I was about 18 that my girlfriend's family coaxed me to try homemade tapioca.  It wasn't the awful gag inducing food I remembered.  In fact the stuff wasn't half bad, a little weird but sweet and creamy enough for me to try again.  Since that day I've become an avid fan of the goopy stuff. 

Warm tapioca
My sweet and creamy answer
to any bad day

Honestly is their anything more blissful than than a bowl full of warm tapioca to fill you with contentment. 

Thoughts on the KitchenAid Mixer

The holy grail of household mixers is the famed KitchenAid Stand Mixer, numerous attachments and endless functions.  Many of my friends and neighbors have them, and I hope to own a nice one some day.
Well, I actually did own one. A few years back while attending the city wide Cyrus garage sale Miss Bee and myself picked up a used one for 6 dollars.  The monster was a putrid puke chartreuse covered with years of grease, dust and grime that left my shirt stained for a weeks from just carrying it. Upon returning home I promptly dispensed nearly an entire bottle of de-greaser on it with moderate results.  During my cleaning I found a small tag riveted on the back which stated something to the effect of Property of Zumbrota Hospital.  The image that was brought instantly to mine was a 70's mental institution repeat with burly black orderlies and stern unyielding nurses.  Not to mention a few loonies in straight jackets moaning in their padded cells.  Incidentally Zumbrota is a small town in central Minnesota that shows no signs of having anything other than a normal little hospital. I retain original impression despite the evidence. 
The beast now clean I ran her through her speeds and other than being a little noisy she worked like a charm.  I'm sure with some basic skills and tools it could be opened up, cleaned and greased and it would work like new.  I never did though, and honestly only owned it about a year, before I sold it to a friend when we moved cross country.  I did not use it very much if I'm to tell the truth, do to limited counter space it lived high up on the cupboard tops and was a chore to bring down.  I don't bake much which is the main use for a mixer with attachments.  I felt sort of guilty about the disuse of the infamous appliance. 
This brings me to my belief that if you have one and you don't use it more than 3 or 4 times a year YOU DON'T NEED IT.  I think this is often a problem for the wealthy since the increased amount of disposable income minimizes the impact of the cost.  If you have one and don't use it often I'm not here to make you feel guilty, but consider your friends, family, neighbors, etc...  and think about giving or selling (at a nice discount) your your most avid cook who does not have one.  
A fine piece of equipment like that deserved to be used often.  I had a hard time giving mine up but I had to be realistic with my lifestyle and cooking habits at the time, and I feel that it went to a better home than I could give it at that time.  Now that Miss Bee has become quite the accomplished baker the idea of owning one isn't so unrealistic down the road.  In the mean time I'll just ogle them from afar. 

To loin a tuna

Or amazing things this midwest boy has learned to do.

Today good friends of mine had me over to show me the ways of loining (fillet and section) a juvenile albacore tuna, and the canning of the excess flesh. 
I did not do much more than watch and learn, but it was exciting none the less. Joey shared a great deal of knowledge on the selection of a quality tuna.  Knowledge that he gained while working along side Japanese fish buyers for the sushi market.  After the fish were freed of their flesh the canning jars were prepared for their fishy contents.  I was surprised that little other than a bit of salt was all that was needed to create a simple and tasty can of tuna the likes of which have not been seen inside a supermarket in decades. 
As the jars steamed away, the grill was fired up and medallions of tuna were lightly grilled and tossed in and dangerously good teriyaki sauce.  It was a tasty dinner for the hot summer day that had enveloped the north coast at long last.
The skills and knowledge of local dishes is one of the most wonderful things about the opportunities I've had living in several locations.  I hope I have the chance to use these skills in the future. 

The Author and his Muse

There are a few things which bring as much joy to my life as cooking.  Cooking with my partner in crime Miss Bee is how I have spent countless joyful hours of the last 5 years. 
Five years ago I met the beautiful Miss Bee, at the time we had just begun college and I could barely be called a novice chef and her a beginner.  The first time we cooked together was in the dirty dorm kitchen in the basement of Pine hall.  At the ripe old age of 20, I shared my expert wisdom in the ways of the transforming Mac and Cheese into a grand dish we've come to call Fiesta Mac.  (Read mac and cheese with black bean, salsa and shredded cheddar cheese) This glorious meal was savored straight from the pot on the floor of my dorm room. 
Since that day we have both learned and taught one another tomes about life, love, cooking and the passion inherent in all three.  It is this passion that I hope to share with you as I continue to explore life and the endless pursuit of inspiring food. 
Mr. Bee